The youngest of men.

In the last week and a few days I found myself reminiscing over a time in life where things seemed simpler and yet were no where near that.  As a man of thirty years I found myself calling out to a seventeen year old man who had no idea how much of a man he really was.  I gazed into his eyes with wonderment and asked him "how?"  How did this baby, as I would call him now, do what he did?  How did he move beyond insurmountable odds and find strength where no strength was given?  How did he become disciplined when he had never known or desired any semblance of it?  It is strange that I can learn so much from such an inexperienced young man.  It is even more strange to find myself wishing I could bottle up whatever secret fuel propelled this young man to his goals. 

There he is.  At seventeen this kid(young man) made a decision to accept a calling from God to join the Army.  Hard enough is basic training.  Hard enough is leaving home for the first time.  Hard enough is trading everything you've ever known for what you know nothing of.  This kid though, had to lose near 80lbs just to get his foot in the door.  "Hey kid, you are perfect for the Army you're just too fat.  Come back after you've lost all that weight."  And so began a journey.  Did he do it?  Oh yes, and so much more.  It is not the post weight loss young man that spoke to me though.  It was this obese,  under respected, undesired young man who put his finger in my face and called me into account.  He looked into my eyes.  Without fear he gazed deep into my soul, looked me up and down, and then took a deep breath.  "Jared,"  he said, "I believe in you as you once believed in me. You, Jared, are what I am hoping to be over the next four months and twelve years.  The strength that you wish you had now at thirty is the same strength you were hoping for when you were me.  We are the same man.  We are the same inner child.  The same strength that is driving me to lose all this weight is the same strength that got you to where you are now.  Don't you remember ,what was only days ago for me but what seems like a millennium to you, when a still small voice whispered into our ear? 'I believe in you Jared.  It is I who formed you.  It is I who created you for great things.  You are my son.  You are my beloved.  Get up, embrace the calling I have given you and let go these chains of self destruction.  Be free my son for you are my child.' Don't you remember!?  Please remember! Let that burn in your heart once more.  Let it change you again.  Please Jared, hear His voice again calling to you, calling to us.  Stand up.  Get up.  Be that man.  Please I beg you, run to his arms and draw strength from Him again as I will do in these next four months.  We are not different but you let that voice fade away and I still hear it resounding across my entire world, across eternity.  Listen to the voice and we will make it."

And the young man faded away like a great sage.  He vanished into legend within my burning heart.  But, my heart was burning!  His rebuke rang loud and clear and woke me from a long and dark slumber of mediocrity.  A slumber of half-assed trying and not doing.  A slumber of can and can not and wish I was and wish I was not.  His rebuke pointed me back to my God who is so big He made a fat lazy kid into a warrior.  His rebuke reminded me that my heavenly Father called me to greater things than these.  Thank you so much kid!  Thank you for being such a great man at seventeen that I can lean on you and learn from you at thirty.  

Jesus you are good and you are great.  Thank you for dieing for me.  Thank you for saving my soul from death and eternity apart from you.  Thank you for never giving up on me.  Thank you for loving me without end.  Thank you my Father for believing in me.  Guide me oh my King.  Guide me daily into your arms.  Show me how to walk with you and for you.  Teach me to love all people as you love them.  Teach me to put myself last.  Teach me to love you.  Reveal yourself to me my Father and draw me near to you.  I love you Jesus.  I love you. 

30 years

On April 16, 2011 I woke up to the realization that I was now a thirty year old man.  I did not in any way feel old nor did I feel as though I had wasted my first thirty years of life.  I did realize for the first time though that I had been on this earth for quite some time.  I felt it was time to begin cataloging the history of this man God is and has been making me into.   After looking back over the years I have spent on this earth I am able to clearly see God's story of my life unfolding.  I am able to recognize the purposes of the places he has sent me and the trials I've endured.  I am able to look back with thanks to God for the way He chose to teach me even the most painful of lessons.

There are two distinct things God etched into my DNA at conception.  First, He made me a dreamer.  God made me into a man that dreams the biggest of dreams.  Dreams of which most consider impossible to come true.  I believe He gives me these dreams.  I am actually most certain it is God who whispers them in my ear. Secondly God made me fiercely tenacious.  God placed within me an iron will and steadfast determination to pursue those dreams with the faith of a child.  These two gifts from our Father have made me into the man I am now.  Both gifts are good and yet I have used them rightly and wrongly in my life.  It is a tightrope walk trying to accomplish God's will for my life.  My hope is to chase these dreams correctly and in God's will.

 If you find yourself drawn to read of my memories and continued journey then I ask you to pray for me as often as you can.  In pursuing God's will I pray continually that I will not crush anyone in my pursuit and that I will not step out on my own.  I want to have the patience and wisdom to wait for God's timing. 

I love you.